Ping Pong

Ping Pong, a sport I'm supposed to excel at because I'm Chinese...

I recently had a conversation with Joerg, a coworker, about a ping pong tournament at the company I work at. The jist of the conversation went like this:

• Joerg: So Chuck, I'm looking forward to seeing you compete in our ping pong touranment
• Me (Fat Keng Yu): I'm not joining the tournament
• Joerg: Come again?
• Me: Yeah, I suck at ping pong. I'm not joining...
• Joerg: WHAT?! I thought every Chinese has mad ping pong skillz.
• Me: Dude...
• Joerg: Are you even Chinese?
• Me: Dude...

Frankly, it's not the first time someone was flabbergasted by my lack of mad ping pong skillz so let me make an official statement on this matter...

I suck at ping pong. I suck so much that a 10-year old Chinese girl with 2 hands tie behind her back can dominate me at ping pong.

Why do I suck so bad? Isn't that obvious? Because I'm not Chinese! I'm friggin ABC! Born in friggin America. That's my excuse for my futility at ping pong. It really is quite embarrassing 'cause I so totally look like a rockstar ping pong player so much that when I'm in China walking down the streets of Beijing or Shanghai I'm constantly mobbed by rabid sport fans asking me to autograph the clothes on their back or take a picture with them where we all have to smile and make that stupid "V" symbol with our hands. I go along with all of this fanfare because I'm such a narcissist, that is until they ask me to pose with a ping pong paddle. Busted! These Chinese ping pong aficionados stick the paddle in my hand and they figure it out right away - I don't know how to properly hold a ping pong paddle - when they see how I hold the it, the next thing out of there mouth is...

"Ai Yah! ABC! He even smells American..."

Yes, everything I just described is true. It happens all the time because I'm Chinese, JOERG!